RENAME THE BIRDS | WESTON CUTTER Once was joy I ran toward and from. This treelined path. Dusk and sunrise, counted footfalls. Once was wonder. Used to rename the birds at each turn of the trail—finch was swooping yellowflash, jay a darting bluething. Hopalong redbreast, petulant unblinking squawker that waited till the last minute to fly away. Home was a cup of coffee, a kiss I'd recognize from a thousand paces. The intake of breath before my own name was whispered. Miles became more miles, hopalong redbreast became dirty rustbird, then burnt-out candle, then just redbird. Same bends in same road, same birds, same breath over immeasurable footfalls I'd never stopped counting, sure I was after a quantity, some tally. Convinced I'd recognize the number once I found it. Redbird, yellowbird, then just birds in the way. Home as place where quiet was quietest. Then simply to run, wordless, no naming anything. To say nothing of overhead branches hanging too low, stupid other runners. Used to be joy, wonder at the way rain clung to branches like even water knew better than to let go. Birds cut across grayblue of sky, curve of an old lover's hand. Can't rediscover joy, have to reinvent it every time. Redbird returns as unlit winged firecracker, becomes bird you believed in once and let go of, let gone. Miles don't become more miles, already are miles. Footsteps just that, no number, no tally. No ah-hah numeral. Home is wherever you're headed next. At best a direction. Rain stuck in clouds like a name in a heart and when the sky sparks electric it won't matter what I'm running from when the water comes for me. Weston Cutter is from Minnesota, runs the book review site Corduroy Books, and teaches creative writing at a tiny school in far northwest Iowa (called, appropriately, Northwestern).http://www.corduroybooks.comshapeimage_1_link_0

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